REDEEMING THE TIME: COLLECTOR'S EDITION (This story was originally posted in six parts between March 2009 and April 2013. The collector's edition includes all parts, with some minor edits, archived on July 29, 2015.) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * TITLE: Redeeming the Time, part 1 AUTHOR: bellefleur EMAIL ADDRESS: bellefleur1013@yahoo.com DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: sure RATING: PG CLASSIFICATION: S, A SPOILERS: Conduit, Little Green Men DISCLAIMER: Not mine; they belong to CC, FOX, etc. SUMMARY: Sometimes, you have to love someone enough to let them go. Author's Notes: I've always been intrigued by the look on Scully's face in the last scene of Little Green Men when Mulder says, "And I still have you." She doesn't exactly look...happy about that. Contemplative, maybe. But it always makes me wonder what exactly is going through her head. Since Gillian was quite obviously pregnant at the time, I liked the idea of making Scully pregnant too (although, perhaps a little less so at that point), and this is where that scene and supposition led me. ********** ********** "I may not have the X-Files, Scully, but I still have my work." He rose from his chair and readjusted the wires on the tape recorder. "And I still have you." *Oh, Mulder, I'm so sorry,* she thought. But there was no doubt in her mind now what she had to do, and that it was for the best. She only hoped that someday he would understand. The last few days had gone so differently from what she intended. That evening in the parking garage, she meant to tell him everything. But the defeat in his voice, the sag in his posture had given her pause. She wasn't sure how he would take the news, and at that moment, it seemed a weight too great to place on his shoulders. The fact that she had penetrated his barriers and reestablished connection between them was enough for her. There would be another day, another conversation, and then the time would be right. And then Puerto Rico happened. She went after him, as she had so often in the past, but she knew even as she committed herself to the pursuit that this would be the last time. This was simply Mulder's nature; he was a bird that should not be caged. He needed the freedom to fly off at a moment's notice, to soar on whatever wind was blowing through. She would not be the one to clip his wings. Sitting in that tiny room, listening to lowlifes tell crass stories about strippers and lap dances, Scully saw a flicker of something that once seemed dead: hope. Even though he was empty-handed yet again, the spark had returned. It was that fire that kept his soul alive, and she loved him for it. And she knew that sometimes, you have to love someone enough to let them go. * * * * * * *Four Years Later* Leaning against the counter outside the front desk, Mulder flipped open the autopsy report that had been left there for him to pick up. He was still stewing over the fact that Skinner had sent him all the way to Seattle on this jerk-off assignment. Sure, the phrase "lights in the sky" had turned up in the witness statement. But the witness had been a hung-over teenager, and the only one of the five to invent that excuse for what happened to their friend out in the woods. Even Mulder wasn't gullible enough to believe the kid's half-assed story. Not that he didn't appreciate Skinner throwing him a bone every once in a while and offering him an X-File, but he had better things to do than fly all the way across the country--on the weekend, no less-- just to prove that a bunch of teenagers got drunk and were trying to talk their way out of it after one of their friends died from their stupidity. Soft, rapid footfalls approached from the hallway, and Mulder turned and looked up--or down, rather--just in time to see a small child collide with his shins. He instinctively reached out to catch her, but she had already fallen back onto her bottom. She didn't seem injured, just a little stunned from the impact. "Are you okay?" he asked. The little girl looked up at him, and it took his breath away. Samantha. Logic told him that it couldn't be her, but the face staring back at him was strikingly familiar. The soft brown curls cascading over her shoulders, the turn of the nose, the dimple in the chin--it all reminded him so much of that picture of Samantha smiling up at the camera, a young bathing beauty dangling her feet in the pool. All but the eyes. Those big, blue eyes shining up at him were the aberration, the only part that made the picture incomplete. "Anna, I told you not to run away from Mommy." Mulder was jarred from the spell that held him. He looked toward the hall and the owner of the voice--a voice that he knew quite well but hadn't heard in so long. As she stepped into the open foyer, Dana Scully came to a stop. For a moment, they just stared at each other. "Mulder," she finally said, her voice choked with surprise. The little girl--Anna, he recalled--scrambled up from the floor and ran over to Scully. She reached down and lifted Anna, settling her on one hip, like it was the most natural thing in the world. He suddenly realized it was, and he recognized where he had seen those captivating blue eyes before. This was Scully's daughter. This little girl that looked like Samantha was Scully's daughter. "What are you doing here?" Scully asked, focusing on Anna instead of on him. He looked at the folder in his hand, suddenly remembering it. "Uh, I'm on a case. Possible UFO sighting." "Not the Sanders case," she said, her derogatory tone betraying her true opinion. His brain suddenly connected the dots with the initials he'd seen on the autopsy report: D.K.S. "You did the autopsy." "Have you read my report yet? It's obvious that girl died of alcohol poisoning. No alien involvement whatsoever. Those kids were just making up any story they could to hide what they were really doing out there." "Actually, I agree with you. I figured this was a waste of time, but Skinner sent me out here--" "Skinner?" she asked sharply. He nodded, trying to read what was behind her tone, but she didn't elaborate. Anna let loose a yawn and rested her head against Scully's shoulder. "I need to get her home. It's past her nap time." "Aren't you going to at least introduce me?" It didn't matter that Mulder had already learned the girl's name. There was more to this situation than he yet knew, and he wasn't ready to let Scully slip away so easily. She hesitated, but then she said, "This is Anna. Anna, this is...an old friend of mine, Mulder." Mulder smiled at Anna as a greeting. She lifted her head from Scully's shoulder and regarded him openly. "Are you my daddy?" The wind was ripped from Mulder's lungs, like he had been kicked in the gut. He looked to Scully. Her face had gone pale and she wouldn't meet his eyes. "Scully?" She quickly stepped over to the counter, grabbed a pen and scrap paper, and scribbled something down. When she handed it to him, he saw it was an address. Only with lowered eyes did she answer. "Come over tonight, around five. We'll talk then." Mulder stared at the paper in his hand for a moment longer, then turned and watched as Scully all but ran out the door. Over her shoulder, Anna watched him with her inquisitive eyes until they had disappeared from sight. * * * * * * Although so many of the days in the intervening years had passed in a blur, Scully remembered that one night with perfect clarity. The devastation in his voice when he had called her to say they had been shut down, split up. It was over. A year before then, she couldn't have imagined her life like this, chasing strange creatures and men hiding in smoke and shadows. But after so many months by his side, she couldn't imagine her life any other way. Mulder had been drinking, she thought, his voice slurred and off-kilter. His hang-up had been abrupt, and he didn't answer when she called back. She tried to let it pass, but the concern barred her from sleep. He sounded so distressed that she worried for his safety, his sanity. Her frantic knock was met with "It's open," offering the first hint of relief that he might be okay. He was safe at least, though far from okay. The tear streaks were obvious, even in the dim lighting. Her heart broke for him, and she knelt before where he sat on the couch. He crumpled into her arms, letting her rock him. "I have to find her, Scully. Why won't they let me find her?" As the minutes dragged on, her knees began to ache. She moved to the couch; his embrace loosened to allow her change in position, but he didn't release her. She continued to rock him, to soothe him, stroking his face, kissing his forehead. Then his face lifted to hers. The kisses shifted, and so did the need. Comfort turned into urgency. So many barriers had already crumbled between them that this last one seemed inevitable. In the bright light of mid-morning, she woke alone on his couch, naked and sticky beneath the blanket. He left her no note, so she left none either. But a voice mail awaited her when she returned home. She never knew whether someone had contacted him or if there had been a specific threat. He didn't use the words "regret" or "mistake," but his message was unequivocal: they couldn't see each other again, or even openly communicate. To protect the work, he said, but she wondered if it was more to protect his heart. She abided by his wishes and played his cloak-and-dagger games. After all, she wasn't one to come begging. In the long run, it seemed for the best--until that morning when she discovered the consequences of their rash actions. She was unmarried, barely thirty, and trying to climb a career ladder. An accidental pregnancy wasn't part of her well-laid plan. She would have told him. She had decided it was the best thing to do, to break their self-imposed isolation and tell him the truth. But then he made his excursion to Puerto Rico, once again chasing down little green men. And she knew on that plane ride, to bring him home dead or alive, that there was only one choice for her to make. * * * * * * When the doorbell rang, Scully jumped, despite the fact that she had been expecting it. She tried to calm her racing heart as she crossed to the entryway. This was the moment she'd been running from for the last four years, but it had finally caught up with her. With a deep breath, she opened the door. As she went through the formalities of inviting Mulder in and offering to take his coat, she tried to read his expression. His eyes were expectant, yet wary. He regarded her closely for a moment, then turned his investigator's gaze on his surroundings. Her condo was modest, yet large enough for two. The living room was peppered with toys and children's videos, but most were neatly stacked or tucked out of the way. She knew he was cataloguing every detail, noticing even the minutiae that no one else would, as she'd seen him do so often at a crime scene. Mulder crossed to the mantle and examined the photos on display. A few were of extended family, Scully's siblings and their children, but most were pictures of Anna at various ages. He stopped his perusal at one photo in particular and lifted a finger to gently stroke Anna's face. Scully recognized the gesture from a case buried in their past. It confirmed for her what she had long suspected. "She looks like her, doesn't she?" Scully asked. Even with the ambiguous pronouns, it was clear he knew exactly to whom she was referring. His focus still on the picture, he nodded. "When I first saw her, I thought she was Samantha." "I thought they looked similar, from what I remember, but I didn't have any pictures to compare." Wordlessly, he pulled out his wallet, slipped out a photograph, and handed it to her. It was the duplicate of the snapshot Scully had once seen attached to an X-File, the folder containing the details of Samantha's disappearance. The girl looked a little older than Anna was now, but the resemblance was unmistakable. "Where is Anna?" Mulder asked, as though he had just noticed her absence. Scully handed the photograph back to him. "At the neighbor's. I thought it might be better if we had a chance to talk first." He nodded, his eyes averted as he replaced the picture in his wallet, but she recognized the clench of his jaw. The conversation ahead would not be an easy one. Before she had a chance to ask if he wanted something to drink, his eyes shot up to hers, full of fire. "Are you going to make me ask?" She almost said, "Ask what?" but stopped herself. She knew what he meant. He needed to hear the words, directly from her. The truth had been suppressed so long that she stuttered as she said, "Anna is your daughter." He closed his eyes momentarily. The fire was replaced with something colder when he opened them again. "That's why you left, isn't it?" he asked, his tone laced with accusation. "Yes," she said weakly. This wasn't how the conversation was supposed to go. She'd rehearsed it all so carefully in her head throughout the afternoon, but now she had completely lost control of the situation. "How could you not tell me? Did you really think I'd make such a horrible father that you had to run to keep me away from her?" "No, Mulder. It wasn't that at all." She regained her confidence as she realized how important it was to disavow him of this notion. "Mulder, sit, please," she urged gently. Reluctantly, he followed her lead, and they settled tensely at opposite ends of the couch. "I never doubted that you'd be a good father. In fact, I knew you'd do 'the right thing.' But the right thing for me and Anna wouldn't have been the right thing for you." At his puzzled and frustrated look, she knew he didn't understand. She held up her hand to forestall his comments. "I'm not explaining this very well. Let me try again." Taking a deep breath, she searched to find all those well-rehearsed lines, but they'd abandoned her. She realized she had to start at the beginning. "Do you remember that night in the parking garage, when we met at the Watergate Hotel?" He nodded. "You told me not to give up, even if I *was* crazy." She couldn't help but smile at the memory. "I don't think that's quite what I meant--that you were crazy. But I did mean the rest of it, not to give up. I was going to tell you that night. That's why I insisted on meeting in person. But when I saw how defeated you were, it scared me. The last thing I could do was give you another obstacle. And then..." "And then I went running off on another wild goose chase." She shook her head, wanting him to understand fully. "And then I saw you regain what you'd lost--your hope and determination. And I knew I could never do anything to take that away from you again. But I also knew that I could no longer follow you." "But why didn't you tell me, Scully? Why didn't you at least give me a choice?" "Because I knew that you'd do everything you could to do right by me. You might even go so far as trying to settle down and build a home together. But that isn't you, Mulder. What would happen the next time a hot tip came along, or a late-night meeting with an informant? You'd have to choose between a trip to Puerto Rico or your family, and I never wanted to put you in that position. They assigned me to the X-Files to help end your quest, and if I had domesticated you, I would've succeeded. And I refused to be the one who stopped you from looking for Samantha. I never wanted to see that defeat in your eyes again, and I certainly didn't want to be the one who put it there." But even as she said it, she regretted the words, because that very look of defeat began to stare back at her. Then he quickly turned away. "Maybe you're right, Scully. You were better off without me." "That's not what I meant, Mulder. That's not what I said." He stood and stepped over to the fireplace, his back to her. "There have been plenty of last-minute trips to covert locations, and plenty of dead ends. Two steps forward, and three steps back. If I learned to walk backwards, I might actually be getting somewhere." "Did you ever find Samantha?" she asked gently. "No." He sighed and said wistfully, "But for a brief moment today, I thought I had." He lifted his finger to stroke the same photo of Anna he had caressed earlier. "But you still have the X-Files, don't you? I mean, this case--" He abruptly turned away from the photograph and began to pace the living room. "There are no X-Files. I got them reopened once, briefly. But this time when they assigned a partner to spy on me, it actually worked. An agent named Alex Krycek. As soon as I sniffed out his duplicity, he skittered back into the woodpile, never to be heard from again. The X-Files were shut down, and I was sent back to do grunt work. At least I have Skinner's sympathies now. He throws me an unusual case when he can, but I know his hands are tied. You don't know how many times I've thought about quitting, but every time I decide to--I don't know, something stops me. I feel like somehow I would be betraying Samantha." "No, Mulder. You'd find another way. I know you would." He stopped his pacing and offered her a sad smile. "You always believed in me, Scully. You're the only one who ever has." A knock at the front door interrupted their conversation. Scully opened it to find her neighbor, Mrs. Samson, standing there holding Anna on her hip. "I'm sorry, Dana, but Tony called, and I have to pick him up from work. I could take Anna with me if you want, but we might not be back for another hour." "No, that's okay. I appreciate you watching her for a while." Scully reached over to take her daughter from Mrs. Samson's arms. The paper Anna was clutching ended up in Scully's face, so she lowered the girl to the floor. "It's no trouble." Mrs. Samson crouched down to Anna's eye level. "Bye, Anna. I'll see you later." The little girl waved her free hand. "Bye!" The door was barely shut when Anna excitedly fluttered the page in her grasp. "Mommy, look! I drawed a picture." Scully crouched down next to Anna. "That's very nice." She hesitated a moment, mindful of the man standing behind her witnessing this scene. She knew her next words might be jarring to Mulder, although they would sound perfectly natural to Anna. "Why don't you show it to Daddy?" Anna looked up from her drawing and followed Scully's gaze across the room, finally noticing Mulder's presence. With only fleeting shyness, Anna trotted over and held out the page. "See? It's a tree, and birds. Like at the park." For a long moment, Mulder stood still, watching her with wonder. Then he knelt down next to Anna and regarded the picture carefully before answering, "It's beautiful." His eyes projected warmth and admiration, but Scully could see the sadness behind them. Anna, however, was oblivious. "I got lots of pictures in my room. Wanna see?" He nodded and looked to Scully as if for permission. "Go ahead," Scully said softly. "She can show you her room while I work on dinner." Any remnant of hesitation gone, Anna grabbed onto his hand and pulled him along behind her. "Come on." Scully hung back, meaning to head for the kitchen, but her curiosity got the better of her. Quietly, she followed them down the hall and stopped just outside Anna's room to peek in. Anna was giving him a full tour of her finger paintings taped up along the wall. It didn't take long for him to notice the framed photograph by her bed. Scully nervously chewed on her lip while he picked up the frame. He turned back to look for her. His eyes met hers, and she saw the question there. "I never wanted to hide from her who her father was," she explained. "That's how she knew me," he said. "I didn't realize you had a picture of me." "It wasn't easy to come by. That's from a crime scene photo. I borrowed it from an old case file to have it copied, and then I blew it up so it was big enough to frame." He leaned in for a closer perusal. "No wonder it's so blurry. I hope that's a look of deep concentration, because otherwise I'd say I look constipated." "Daddy!" Anna cried out, tugging on his pant leg with the indignation of a child who has lost her audience. He dutifully put down the photo and gave her his undivided attention. Scully stepped back from the doorway but lingered for a moment more. Anna chattered on, explaining each picture on the wall in her simple terms, then she raced across the room to show him each of her favorite toys. The tears began to well up in Scully's eyes as she observed this tender scene that might never have been. Quietly, she turned and retreated down the hall, vowing to herself that she wouldn't cry. * * * Dinner was simple kid fare, macaroni and cheese with a side of green beans. Thankfully, Mulder didn't comment on Scully's culinary skills, but she figured that if he still ate the way he used to, this was probably a gourmet meal by his standards. After dinner, it was already getting late into the evening, and Scully tried to stick to the normal routine of getting Anna ready for bed. But with the excitement of having a visitor--especially *this* visitor--the routine took twice as long. Mulder endured it patiently, watching from a safe distance, sometimes with amazement, sometimes with amusement. By the time Anna was bathed, changed, brushed, pottied, and beneath the covers awaiting her bedtime story, she was well exhausted. But still, she kept her eyes open long enough for Mulder to read her Goodnight Moon--twice. Scully watched from the bedroom doorway as Anna blinked her eyes shut a final time, lulled into slumber by his soothing monotone. When he finished, he shut the book and carefully lifted his weight from the mattress to kneel beside the bed. Gently, he stroked the hair back from her face, then he leaned in and kissed her forehead. After putting the book away for him, Scully turned out the bedroom light and followed him into the hallway. She preceded him back into the living room, where they could talk without waking Anna. They stood there, quiet for a minute, until Mulder finally broke the silence. "When this day started, I never imagined I'd be ending it like this. And all because of this pointless case." Scully debated whether or not to tell him what she suspected, but she decided now was not the time to withhold information. "I don't think it was exactly a coincidence. Skinner gave you the case, didn't he?" "Skinner knew?" There was only a hint of bitterness in his voice. "About Anna? Not back then, no. But he was out here last month for some meetings. He stopped by my office unannounced and saw her picture on my desk. I think it was easy enough for him to put two and two together." "I guess I owe him a thank you," he said, with more sarcasm than thankfulness. Scully wasn't sure how to respond. The silence grew uncomfortable, and she tried to decide whether she should ask him to sit and stay for a while. Instead, she asked, "How long will you be in town?" "The case is finished. But since tomorrow's Sunday, I can probably delay my flight until the evening." She nodded. "Skinner will expect you back by Monday morning." "Unless I ask for some time off." She watched him carefully, uncertain if he was seeking her approval of that idea. Regardless, he moved on. "So, what happens next?" Mulder asked. "I'm not really sure. I guess that depends on what you want." He shrugged. "Eight hours ago, I didn't even know I *had* a daughter. Now, I don't want to leave her." "I think we both need some time to think about this, and decide where we go from here." He nodded and moved toward the front door. She retrieved his coat from the hall closet and handed it to him. He hesitated, as though to say something, but then put on his coat and turned toward the door. "So, you don't mind if I come over in the morning?" he asked. "No. Any time after eight would be fine." She usually took Anna to nine o'clock Mass on Sundays, but missing one week wouldn't hurt. He nodded and opened the door. He had gone only a few steps before she found herself calling out, "Mulder?" He turned back, poised to listen. She couldn't stop herself from asking the one question she'd been repressing all night. "Can you forgive me for not telling you?" He looked off into the distance for a moment, then met her eyes. "I think I may already have. I understand your reasons, and they're more legitimate than I want to admit." She exhaled deeply in relief, feeling the burden of guilt lift. "But you lied to me, Scully. It was a lie of omission, but a lie all the same. It may take me a long time to trust you again." The guilt came crashing back down on her, now a concentrated blow to the chest. She saw in his expression that he was sorry, not for the way he felt but that she had to hear those painful words. "I'll see you tomorrow," he said quietly. Unable to move, she watched as he climbed into his car and drove away. * * * It was nearly ten o'clock in the morning when Mulder knocked on the door. His tardiness was only partly accidental. He would never tell Scully that he spent the last hour parked around the corner, deliberating whether even to come. If she had expected him earlier, she didn't comment on it. When she opened the door, they shared a nervous smile, and she stepped aside to let him enter. It didn't take long for her to notice what he was concealing behind his back. After all, she was a trained investigator - - and a gift that large was hard to hide. "Mulder?" she asked, amusement in her voice. But he was saved from responding by the small torpedo launched at his shins. "Daddy!" Anna barreled across the room and hugged his legs, almost making him lose his balance. "Anna," Scully chided. But he shook his head to tell her he didn't mind. "Hey, kiddo. Guess what I brought you?" Anna couldn't miss what he was hiding behind his back either. She dodged around him to check it out, and he swiftly maneuvered the large stuffed animal around to his other side. Giggling, she chased it around the front, then wised up and switched directions, running right into the soft bundle of fur on its second circuit past his back. "Teddy!" She clearly was quite familiar with the requisite childhood companion. In fact, Mulder had noticed at least three other teddy bears around her bedroom, but none of them were even half the size of this one. Anna came around in front of him, hugging the bear tightly around its neck. It was nearly as big as she was. And so was Mulder's grin. "What do you say, Anna?" Scully asked in a practiced maternal tone. "Thank you," Anna parroted in her childish sing-song. She ran into the living room and spun around in circles, giggling as the bear's flexible legs danced through the air from her centrifugal force. "Spoiling her already, I see," Scully teased, battling a smile. "That's what fathers do best." His grin had waned but still played at his lips as he basked in Anna's delight. "Can I take your coat?" Scully asked. He pulled his eyes away from the little girl. "Uh, I can't stay long. The latest flight I could get leaves at noon." "Oh." She was clearly surprised, and speechless. "Listen, Scully, I only came over to say goodbye." He glanced at Anna, now seated on the floor carrying on a giddy conversation with her new playmate. Stepping closer to Scully, he told her softly, "I thought a lot about it last night, and this morning. About what you said. And the thing is, you're right. Anna deserves better than what I can offer her." "Mulder--" "No, please, just hear me out." She watched him silently, her brow creased with concern. "Everything I've done since I joined the FBI was to find my sister. You know better than anyone how devoted I've been to that one goal. And I'm not ready to walk away from it. In fact, after this weekend, I'm even more determined." Looking over at Anna, once more he saw a memory of a lost little sister. He turned back to Scully, his voice low and intense. "I have to find Samantha. I can't abandon her now, not after I've come this far. And as long as I'm still searching for her, I can't be the father that Anna deserves. I won't become the kind of man my own father was--there only when it was convenient for him, and too dedicated to his work to put his family first. It would be better if I weren't here at all, rather than constantly coming and going, running off at a moment's notice." Scully frowned and took his lull as license to speak. "But that's--" "That's exactly why you left," he filled in for her. "That's not what I was going to say." "But it's true. You can't deny that." To her credit, she didn't. Instead, she looked away. He took the opportunity to change the subject. "It's not fair that I haven't been helping out. Do you want me to pay child support?" Still not looking at him, she shook her head and crossed her arms. "No. I don't need your money." "Well, maybe I'll set up a trust fund, or a college fund. She might want it someday." Scully looked up at him. "So, that's it? You walk away and she never sees you again? Just your name on a check or a bank account?" "Never is a long time," he quipped. She frowned at his platitude. He sobered. "I don't know, Scully. I'd like to see her again, someday, but I don't want to make any promises I can't keep." He glanced at Anna again. She was now engrossed in a cartoon, seated on the floor with her arms still wrapped around the bear's neck. With her preoccupation, he saw his chance for a quick exit. "Send me her picture every now and then, and call me if you ever need anything." He reached for the doorknob before Scully could stop him. "Mulder!" she called after him, harshly but quietly. "You're leaving? Just like that? Aren't you even going to say goodbye?" It was the coward's way out, he knew, but it was the only way he could do this. Standing outside, he looked at her through the doorway and shook his head. "I can't." He heard the hitch in Scully's voice as she said, "What am I supposed to tell Anna?" His first instinct was to say, "Don't tell her anything at all--you're good at that," but his better judgment held his tongue. That wasn't the way he wanted to leave things between them. With nothing more positive to offer, he shrugged, and then jogged across the street where his rental car was parked. He didn't look back. It was his turn to run, as she once had. But he knew that was merely a rationalization, and a piss-poor one. Right or wrong, it was a choice he had made a long time ago, and he had to see it through. He had to find Samantha. Until he did, nothing else mattered--not even the adorable little girl with brown curls and azure eyes who had already stolen his heart. At least, that's what he kept telling himself all the way to the airport, and as he boarded the plane, as he took flight. ********** End Part 1 ********** TITLE: Redeeming the Time, part 2 AUTHOR: bellefleur EMAIL ADDRESS: bellefleur1013@yahoo.com RATING: PG CLASSIFICATION: S, A SPOILERS: Tooms, Little Green Men DISCLAIMER: Not mine; they belong to CC, FOX, etc. SUMMARY: Sometimes, you have to love someone enough to let them go. ********** ********** The little girl may not have her mother's distinctive red hair, but her bright blue coat made her easy to locate among the children swarming the play apparatus. Bounding away from the smaller slide, Anna ran over to the swings. She took a seat on one and looked over her shoulder. Scully appeared behind her and began to propel the girl gently into the air. Mulder was just close enough to watch them without binoculars, though far enough away that he couldn't get a good look at Anna's facial expressions. But he could imagine that some of the squeals and giggles filtering through the window he'd cracked open were hers. Sitting here listening to the giddiness of children was such a soothing change of pace from his typical stakeouts-- tedious hours spent in shady locations when on assignment, or even more shadowed ones on unauthorized surveillance. The part of this that was familiar was sitting in the car alone. After Krycek's betrayal and vanishing act, Skinner had long since stopped trying to foist new partners on Mulder. There was the occasional sidekick for a case, but nothing more permanent. Clear as a bell, Scully's voice rang through his head. "Mulder, you know that proper surveillance requires two pairs of agents, one pair relieving the other after twelve hours." He chuckled softly. Even after all these years, he could still hear her carrying on the other half of the conversation, presenting the counterpoint to his every thought. He wondered sometimes what that said about his sanity. Turning his eyes from Anna, he focused more closely on Scully. She'd changed over the past four years, and for the better. Gone were the fresh schoolgirl looks of that pretentious young woman who first strode into his office. She was more mature now, more sophisticated. The kind of woman who would definitely turn some heads. He wondered how many suitors she'd had in the last couple of years--how many rivals to fill the position of Anna's father. Certainly, there must have been a few. The background check he'd run on her told him little other than that her marital status hadn't changed, and her finances didn't indicate any joint accounts or frequent contributions from another person. Unconsciously, Mulder glanced at himself in the mirror, then quickly looked away from those tired, world-weary eyes. He rubbed a hand over his unshaven jaw. Yeah, he was quite a catch, he thought sarcastically. He could beat out any other contender, hands down. He wasn't sure why he was even contemplating it, really. Try as he might, he couldn't picture himself standing next to her by the swings, the third part of their happy family unit. Where he sat was exactly where he belonged--on the outside looking in. He was an outcast, a loner. It suited him. The swing slowed, and Anna jumped off just as Scully brought it to a stop. The girl darted across the playground, disappearing from his sight behind the tree. Mulder stretched his neck to find where she ran off to. He had parked next to a large oak as shelter so he wouldn't be easily noticed from the play area, but the downside was that it also partially blocked his view. Scully was still standing by the swings, talking to another woman. But Anna soon emerged on the other side of the tree. She was headed for the seesaw, close on the heels of a little girl about the same size as her. He watched the girls slowly push higher and higher on either side of the seesaw, until their feet were completely leaving the ground on the way up. He worried that they were going a little too high for such small children and that one of them could fall off. Wondering if Scully would come over to slow them down, he glanced back at the swings, but she was no longer there. He couldn't spot her on the playground and assumed she was somewhere out of his vision on the other side of the tree. But the woman she had been chatting with was now standing close to the seesaw and didn't seem too concerned about how high the girls were pushing. Mulder released a deep breath, only then realizing that he had tensed up with his concern. The sound of someone trying to open the passenger-side door jolted him, and he instinctively reached for his weapon. As he looked over to see who was tapping on the window, he removed his hand from the holster. So, that's where Scully had gone. Reluctantly, Mulder hit the power lock to unlock the door, and Scully slid into the passenger seat. "You're slipping on your surveillance skills, Mulder. Apparently you have half the mothers in the neighborhood thinking you're some kind of pervert." "Well, they wouldn't be wrong," he joked. "But I'm not *that* kind of pervert." He looked over, hoping for a smile, but she wasn't amused. It was a sharp reminder that the Scully sitting in the car with him wasn't the same one he'd been dialoguing with in his head for so long. "You're just lucky Eileen brought it to the attention of her neighbor the FBI agent instead of calling the police. She thought she saw you outside the preschool yesterday afternoon too. How long have you been watching us?" Returning his gaze to the playground, he shrugged, not wanting to answer her honestly. "Long enough." Actually, he was *really* lucky that no one had spotted him doing the same thing two weeks ago. "Were you planning to come over and say hello?" "No." Scully sighed, clearly frustrated with his terse answers. "Then what are you doing here?" He'd asked himself that a number of times already. He hesitated, searching for the right answer. "I wanted to make sure she was happy." "She would be happier with her father in her life." He couldn't help but scoff. "That's rather...a change in policy." Actually, "hypocritical" was the word he wanted to use, but he didn't. She was quiet for a moment before answering. "I made a mistake, Mulder. I fully admit that. I should've told you the truth a long time ago. But I can't undo the past. All I can do now is look out for her future." "Were you ever going to tell me?" He looked over at Scully, but she remained focused on the play area in front of them. "I mean, if it weren't for that case last month, I still wouldn't know." "I always intended to tell you, someday. But the more time that passed, the harder it was to know how to open the conversation. And the easier it was to avoid it altogether." He knew the feeling, and held part of the blame. After all, he hadn't pursued her when she left. He had run the gamut of emotions back then. At first, he thought she'd been forced to leave, as punishment for following him to Puerto Rico. But then he found out she requested the transfer. His initial anger gave way to resignation. It was better for her career, he rationalized, and her life. Never once did he suspect the real reason she left. But he could've found out so easily if he'd only tried to contact her. In the end, it was simply a matter of pride. He wanted her to be the one to break the silence first and come running back. Now, however, he knew the truth, and the wound was still tender. "All that time, what did you tell Anna about her father? Why did she think I wasn't there?" "I told her that you lived far away. She's still young enough not to probe deeper and ask the more difficult questions that I can't answer." "And when she is old enough? Then what would you tell her?" "I always hoped you would know by then." "So I would have to answer the difficult questions myself?" He couldn't hide the bitterness in his tone. She rounded on him. "You've done a pretty good job of putting yourself in that position. What was she supposed to think when you disappeared suddenly without even saying goodbye? You said you didn't want to be the kind of father who just popped in and out of her life, and yet that's exactly what you did." He looked back toward the park. Anna was coming down the slide, her pigtails bouncing as she landed at the bottom and jumped up to run back to the ladder. The woman who had been standing by the seesaw was now near the slide, not so discreetly keeping an eye on his car. Anna soon reappeared at the top of the slide, ready for another trip down. In a small voice, he confessed what he had been yet to admit to himself. "I was scared." "Of what?" Scully asked gently. He waved his hand absently toward the window. "Of this. Of fatherhood. Most guys get nine months to prepare themselves for this kind of responsibility, and a couple more years before the kid can actually talk back. But Anna, she's already this little person with a mind of her own. It's a hell of a thing to dump in a guy's lap." He dared a glance in her direction but found only compassion staring back at him. "What can I say? I panicked, and I took the easy way out." "Then this is your second chance. Come talk to her, Mulder." "Why, just to say goodbye? I can't stay, Scully. I have to fly out by tomorrow morning." "Mulder--" She took a deep breath and started again, with less of an edge to her voice. "I understand what you're concerned about. But being far away doesn't mean being a bad father. You know my dad was in the Navy. Until I was ten, he spent more time on a ship than he did on shore. But he made the most of every minute we had with him. He built a lot of good memories, and those are what I carry with me." Her rosy portrayal was a stark comparison to his memories of his own father, but he didn't want to dredge up those examples to argue his point. "Besides," she continued, "not every family member can live close by. My mother is still out in Bethesda. Anna only sees her once or twice a year, but she adores her grandmother. They talk on the phone all the time and send each other cards. It makes the time they get to spend together that much more special." At the mention of her mother, Mulder thought about asking Scully what she'd told her family about Anna's father, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know. Instead, he said, "I'll think about it." "So, you're not getting out to say hi?" He shook his head. If he said hello, that meant he would have to say goodbye. And, what he couldn't admit to Scully was the part that scared him even more--that if he ever felt those little arms wrapped around him again, he'd never be able to let her go. It would be so easy to walk away from his fruitless fight and lose himself in the simple life, where the greatest tragedy was a scraped knee. But he couldn't hide from the fact that there really were monsters under the bed. Anna was talking to the woman by the slide--probably Eileen, he guessed, the neighborhood watchdog. The girl turned away from the conversation and started looking around the park. Did she really resemble Samantha as much as he first thought, or was that only because every girl he met he identified with his sister? "Then I need to get going before Anna sees me with you." Scully opened the car door and stepped one foot out, but then she turned back to face him. "No more stalking. If you want to see Anna, you can come to the front door. Or you can call, or write. But you need to make a decision, Mulder. Either you're part of her life, or you're not." She didn't look back as she got out and walked away, but he knew she wouldn't be happy if he lingered. As Scully caught up with Eileen, Anna reached for her. Scully swung the girl up into her arms and pivoted to stand with their backs facing Mulder; he knew that was intentional. He started the engine and put the car in reverse. After a final long gaze, he backed out of the parking space. On his way out of the lot, he pulled out his cell phone and hit number two on the speed dial. "Hey, guys, it's me. Looks like I have some time to kill this weekend. Got any juicy leads for me?" His next call would be to the airline. Where he ended up tonight didn't really matter. He just needed something to take his mind away from here. ********** End Part 2 ********** TITLE: Redeeming the Time, part 3 AUTHOR: bellefleur EMAIL ADDRESS: bellefleur1013@yahoo.com RATING: PG CLASSIFICATION: S, A SPOILERS: Tooms, Little Green Men DISCLAIMER: Not mine; they belong to CC, FOX, etc. SUMMARY: Sometimes, you have to love someone enough to let them go. ********** ********** Scully's back was to the door when she heard it swish open, followed by a familiar voice. "Agent Scully, slicin' and dicin'. Just like old times." She snapped off her latex gloves and took a moment to compose herself before she turned to face Mulder. She didn't waste her breath on pleasantries. "I have a very pissed off medical examiner in Minneapolis who wants to know why the FBI pulled rank on him and shipped a body to Seattle--and I'd like to know the same thing." He didn't bother to look guilty, just disappointed. "That means you didn't do the autopsy?" She sighed and brushed past him to get to the sink. "That's beside the point, Mulder. This isn't like 'old times.' I'm at a field office, not Quantico. You can't send me cases that have nothing to do with our geographical jurisdiction." While she washed up, he leaned close behind her, practically towering over her. "That M.E. examined three other victims before this and didn't find a sliver of evidence on any of them. He refused to hear any of my suggestions about what to look for. You're the only person who could examine this body with an open mind." She dried her hands and discarded the paper towel. When she turned to face him, she had to lean back against the counter to gain some space. Chewing on her lip, she wondered if there was some way she could tell him what she discovered without proving him right. He said excitedly, "Scully, you're holding out on me. You found something, didn't you?" Even after all this time, he could apparently still read her well. She used her best clinical voice, trying not to encourage his enthusiasm. "On the victim's neck, I detected a trace amount of an unidentified biological substance." Sensing he was about to pounce, she quickly added, "But just because it's unidentified doesn't mean it's unidentifiable." "So, what do you think it is? Ectoplasm?" She was about to offer a rebuttal, until she realized he was teasing her. "I sent the sample off to the lab and put a rush on it. But even so, I don't know if there was enough for them to analyze, and I wouldn't expect the results back until tomorrow morning--at the earliest." But her tempering words had no such effect; Mulder was beaming. "I knew you were the best, Scully. God, I miss this." His eyes on her were intense, making his proximity suddenly feel overwhelming. She wasn't sure what exactly "this" referred to, but she thought it was best to put some distance between them. Crossing the room as she shrugged off her lab coat, she said over her shoulder, "You didn't need to fly all the way out here just to hear the autopsy results." "I do have enough sense to realize that I couldn't send a body unannounced without showing up to do some major ass- kissing." She hung up her coat and turned to look at him. She couldn't read on his face whether there was an intentional innuendo in his statement. "I think the ass you need to be kissing is the M.E.'s." He shuddered theatrically. "Please, Scully, don't scar my delicate mind with that image. He's a very overweight, very unattractive old man. I really want nothing to do with his ass." She rolled her eyes and turned to gather up the paperwork for the report. "Great," she mumbled, "what that really means is I'll be left to clean up your mess and smooth things over with him." "Sorry," he said, but without much remorse. "Can I at least make it up to you by taking you to lunch?" She glanced at her watch. It was well after lunch time, but she hadn't eaten yet. She was so consumed with this autopsy that she didn't realize how late it had gotten. The report still awaited her, as did a soggy tuna sandwich sitting in the lab fridge. Her rumbling stomach made the decision for her. "Fine, but let's make it a quickie." She didn't realize how her words sounded until they were already lingering in the air, too late for her to take them back. To his credit, Mulder kept his mouth shut. She tried not to acknowledge his smirk as she led the way out the door. * * * Although Mulder had offered to take her anywhere she wanted to eat--and she seriously contemplated the most expensive restaurant she could find, just to get him back for pulling this little stunt--she settled on the quaint cafe down the block. When she saw Mulder turning up his nose at their mostly vegetarian fare, she felt she had gotten a measure of revenge after all. They sat at a table by the window, chatting about the case over sandwiches and the view of a fine day outside. After a while, Scully decided it was time to redirect the conversation. She had to seize this opportunity while she could. Focusing her eyes on her plate, she said as casually as possible, "I'll try to finish up the report before I leave work today. I pick up Anna from daycare a little after five. You're welcome to come by for dinner, around six or so." At his silence, she looked up. He seemed fascinated by the limp pickle on his plate. Finally, he said, "I'm still working on this case. I really should get back right away." Scully tossed aside her remaining crust, digging into her reserves of patience. She thought they had made progress over the last few weeks, but apparently not enough. Only a week after she last saw him, that day at the park, a package had arrived for Anna. It contained a stuffed zebra and a Nerf basketball set. There was a return address, from Hegel Place in Alexandria, but no note inside. Scully debated for three days whether to contact him, and finally called, only to get his voice mail. She said a simple thank you for the gift, and that if he'd like to call back, Anna wanted to say thank you herself. There was no return call, but another package arrived a few days later. Some coloring books, featuring unicorns and trolls, and a forty-eight-pack of crayons. Still no note, but this time he answered when she called. He explained that he'd included no card simply because he didn't know what to say. She understood. Was he supposed to sign it "Love, Dad," or "Yours truly, Mulder"? She didn't know what to tell him, so she handed the phone over to Anna. If three times made a habit, then this pattern had developed into a ritual. A package arrived, Scully called, and Anna happily chattered at her father until her attention ran out. Scully was hoping this visit to Seattle was an excuse for him to take the final step and come see Anna in person. But if it was, he was still reluctant. Scully poked at her rejected potato chips and decided to try the indirect approach. "Did I tell you we still have the flowers you sent?" "After two weeks? I thought they would've wilted by now." Scully smiled. "Well, Anna learned how to press flowers during their craft time at preschool. After I started finding flowers tucked into all my medical textbooks, I decided to introduce her to drying them instead. I think the pink stains in my organic chemistry book are permanent." "Oh, so that's what she was talking about." "What?" "Anna. She told me that her flowers were smooshed. I thought she meant something happened to them." "No, they're preserved indefinitely and proudly on display." "Huh." They fell silent and both went back to playing with their napkins. Scully was willing to take one more stab at the conversation. "You know, she only needs so many stuffed animals." "Overkill, huh?" "Well, they're good for hugs, but they're no substitute for the real thing." He sighed. "Scully, I can't stay. I think it's better if she didn't even know I was in town." Scully wanted to ask petulantly why he'd bothered to come in the first place, but she held her tongue. She was trying not to be frustrated with him. After all, this was a mess of her own making, and she bore no small amount of guilt for that. By telling Mulder the truth about why she had left, that she was trying to spare him the difficult choice between his daughter and his sister, Scully had only given him ample reason to doubt himself. Now, she was attempting to undo not only four years of absence, but several weeks of uncertainty and self-recrimination. She was trying to pave a path between father and daughter; but rather than starting from scratch, it seemed that first she had to jackhammer a row of ill-laid stones. It was hard work, and she was beginning to weary of it. Scully tossed her crumpled napkin onto her plate and pushed back her chair. "You know where we live if you change your mind." Mulder nodded noncommittally and pulled out his wallet. They hadn't gotten their meals to-go, so he still needed to pay the waitress. Scully rose from her seat. After only a brief hesitation, she headed for the door. Mulder could find his own way from here--wherever he decided he was going. * * * When the knock sounded on the door a little after six, Scully thought it was their neighbor. She was genuinely surprised to see Mulder standing there, smiling sheepishly. She hadn't heard a word from him since she left him at the cafe, and she honestly didn't expect to see him again tonight. "Hi," she greeted, hearing the disbelief in her own tone. "Hey," he said shyly. Recovering from her surprise, she moved aside to let him enter. Anna was glued to the TV, a fact that embarrassed Scully since she hated the thought of using it as a babysitter. But she doubted Mulder would care. They stood there silently, watching Anna across the room, her back to them and face upturned toward the set. When Mulder made no attempt to move beyond the foyer, Scully had a horrible flash of memory and felt compelled to ask, "Are you staying?" He winced as her jab hit home. "Uh, yeah, for a while. My flight leaves at eight-thirty. I need to get back tonight." She nodded, understanding that he was already pushing the limits of turning this business trip into a personal excursion. After all, there was a killer on the loose, and Mulder was their best chance at catching him. "Can I take your coat?" That seemed to shake his inertia. He removed his overcoat and jacket, yielding them to her outstretched hand, and took his first tentative steps into the living room. He hadn't made it very far by the time Scully finished hanging up his garments, and she realized she would have to take the initiative. The ice shouldn't seem so hard to break now, except they kept letting it freeze over again. "Anna?" she called. There was no response. Suddenly, Scully had never found Sesame Street so annoying. She picked up the remote from the arm of the couch and swiftly silenced the television. Anna's head swung around to seek out the offender, but her eyes made it no further than the unexpected visitor standing next to Scully. It took no more than a moment for her to adjust. "Daddy!" Anna leapt up and flew at him, wrapping her arms around his legs before he had time to react. Scully blinked away the water welling in her eyes and headed back to the kitchen. These two could handle things from here. * * * By the time Scully finished washing the dishes and checked the clock, she was startled to find it was almost eight. She hurried into the bedroom, where Mulder was still awkwardly crowded next to the child-sized table, helping Anna to color in one of the books he had sent her. Scully hated to disturb them, but if Mulder didn't leave immediately, there was no way he was going to make his flight. And that would only be with some badge-flashing and sprinting for the gate. "Mulder?" He looked up from his intense concentration on the picture, his eyes a little unfocused as they settled on her. "Have you checked the time?" she asked. He glanced at his watch, then back at her, showing no reaction. Apparently, he'd forgotten. "Your flight. You're going to miss it." He shrugged, unconcerned. "There's another flight out at five a.m. I won't be able to do anything else on the case until the morning anyway. Besides, our biggest break right now is that slime you found, so there isn't much we can do until we get the lab report." Then he turned to Anna and said, "Can I have the red, please?" Scully was totally unprepared for that answer. "Okay," she said, feeling a little stunned, and left them to their coloring. Only then did it occur to her what eight o'clock usually meant in their household. But the pair seemed so contented, there was no way she was going to interrupt again to tell them it was Anna's bedtime. Half an hour later, Anna figured it out for herself. With droopy eyelids, she wandered out from the bedroom to where Scully sat on the couch. Anna handed over her pajamas. "Mommy, help me with my jammies." Scully glanced toward the bedrooms and saw Mulder hovering in the hallway. She could tell he was uncertain whether he should be helping with the bedtime ritual or not. It was a long way to go from playmate to parent. They had labeled him "Daddy," but they had yet to define what that meant. For the progress they had made, there was still so much ground left to cover. But, one thing at a time. Scully gathered her sleepy girl into her arms and rose from the couch. "C'mon, let's get you ready for bed." It was obvious Anna was tired when she didn't put up much of a fight about going down for the night. She didn't even beg for a bedtime story, but she did insist on Mulder tucking her in. Scully waited in the doorway while he sat on the edge of the bed and leaned over to kiss Anna goodnight. The little girl said around a yawn, "Can you go swing with me tomorrow?" Mulder cast Scully a forlorn look. Stroking Anna's hair, he answered sadly, "Not tomorrow, sweetheart. Maybe some other time. I won't...I won't be here tomorrow. I have to go away." "'Cause you live far, far away?" "Yeah," he said softly, "'cause I live far away." "Then will you come back?" He paused, then said with assurance, "Yes, sweetie, I'll come back someday." "Okay. Say night-night to Bear." And just like that, she had accepted his promise. Scully said nothing to him as he slid past her into the hallway. She could tell that the exchange weighed heavily on him. She slipped in to kiss Anna on the forehead, then exited, leaving the door ajar behind her. In the hall, she found Mulder leaning against the wall. He let his head drop back against it with a soft thud. "Shit." She didn't reprimand him for his language, so close to Anna's door, but she did gently push him toward the living room. "What is it?" She was almost afraid to know. "I don't have my luggage. Or a hotel room. I wasn't planning to stay this long." "Oh," she said with relief, fearing his comment would be something else entirely. "You can sleep on the couch. Use whatever you need in the bathroom." He smiled a little. "Including the Disney Princess bubble bath?" She smirked. "Just try not to use the last of it. Anna might not be too happy." He blinked at her innocently. "Oh, I thought that was yours." She slapped him playfully on the arm. "C'mon, I'll find you some blankets." * * * When Scully rose at six a.m., she wasn't surprised to find the couch empty, a neat bundle of blankets and pillows shoved off to the corner. But she thought maybe there would be a note of some kind, on the coffee table, in the kitchen, even the bathroom. But there was nothing. She tried not to be disappointed. After all, this was the man who never said goodbye on the telephone, and who sent packages without a card or a name. Mulder's communication skills could use a little work. They were in the middle of breakfast when the phone rang at a little after eight. Scully hoped it wasn't the preschool calling with a last-minute cancellation, like they had a month ago when Jordan Lucas came down with chicken pox and they wanted to keep all the kids at home to avoid further exposure. "Hello?" "Hey, Scully, it's me." She was almost speechless. It had been a long time since she'd heard that greeting. All of their recent calls had been initiated by her. In fact, until now, she didn't even know for sure that he had her new phone number. "Mulder. Did you make your flight?" she asked, just for something to say. "Yeah, we just landed. Taxiing as we speak. Hey, I know you need to get to work, but I wanted to call and wish my girls good morning." Girls? He didn't use the plural, did he? She must not have heard him right. Surely, he was only talking about Anna. At least, that's what Scully chose to assume. "Hold on, she's right here. But we do need to keep it brief." Scully handed the phone over and let the two talk for a moment. Before she knew it, Anna was already handing the phone back. "That was quick." "Short and sweet, Scully." There was a slight pause, and somehow she felt he was holding back a joke about her height. "They're deplaning now, so I need to go." "Okay." There was another pause. But he hadn't hung up yet. "Call me when you get the lab report." "I will." And then she heard a click and a dial tone. She sighed. It wasn't quite a goodbye, but for Mulder, it was close enough. But maybe she shouldn't be disappointed at that, she realized. They'd already had enough goodbyes. "Until next time, Mulder." ********** End Part 3 ********** TITLE: Redeeming the Time, part 4 AUTHOR: bellefleur EMAIL ADDRESS: bellefleur1013@yahoo.com RATING: PG-13 CLASSIFICATION: S, A, UST/MSR DISCLAIMER: Not mine; they belong to CC, FOX, etc. SUMMARY: Sometimes, you have to love someone enough to let them go. ********** ********** Mulder ended the call to Skinner and checked his watch. The work day was nearly over in the nation's capital, but it was only noon here--one of the benefits of having a case on the west coast. He didn't explain to his boss why he was so eager to wrap up this case and begin his weekend, but Mulder knew the man was familiar enough with his recent domestic situation to understand. After all, Skinner's the one who had started all of this. A few months ago, one trip on a meaningless case had turned Mulder's world upside down. The day he learned he was a father. Not a father-to-be, with a bundle of joy to arrive in nine months, but a full-fledged father, with a precious little daughter, who for some insane reason absolutely adored him. He'd had his misgivings--and in some ways, he still did--but he'd finally admitted to himself the inevitable truth: Anna owned him from the first moment he saw her. He'd tried to resist her inexorable pull on him, but it was like trying to resist a black hole. And now that he'd finally gotten to know her, he couldn't get enough of her--her smile, her giggle, her shrieks of glee when he spun her around until they were both too dizzy to stand. Even her Scully mannerisms when she playfully gave him a good scolding. She was utterly charming, and he was utterly charmed. Mulder was still the bachelor agent who put in long hours during the week, the first to arrive at the office and last to leave, assuming he left at all. Not because he loved his job, but because the most important case of his life remained unsolved. And he was determined to solve it, now more than ever. Now, he had more at stake. There was a life waiting for him when this was over. But at least once a month now, sometimes twice, or more, he left behind the work and the apartment of a lonely bachelor to go catch a glimpse of that life that was waiting for him. To revel in it for a few days and fill himself up again with all the reasons that he put in those late nights. Yeah, he was smitten. With his daughter. But it didn't hurt that he enjoyed the company of her mother too. Not that they could ever be to each other the partners that they once were, but he'd managed to sneak in Scully's help on a few of his recent cases, and the easy banter they'd once enjoyed came easily to them again. And on the rare occasion when she graced him with a full-wattage smile, those were the days when he had twice as much reason to solve the unsolved case. Excited about the weekend to come, Mulder pulled his car out of the motel parking lot and pointed it toward LAX. He didn't even bother to call the airlines. One way or another, he was going to wheedle his way onto the next flight to Seattle, even if he had to flash his badge or flirt shamelessly with a ticketing agent. The case was closed, his boss had declared his work week over, and if he could get to Seattle before three o'clock, he might even have a full forty-eight hours before he had to fly home on Sunday. Once on the freeway, Mulder pulled his phone back out to make another call. "Scully." He smiled at her all-business greeting. When she wasn't at work, he called her home number, but this time he'd called the cell. "Hey, it's me." "Mulder, please tell me this has nothing to do with a case. I'm already swamped as it is, and I'm trying to get out of here early today." "It has nothing to do with a case, Scully. And coincidentally, getting off of work early is exactly what I want to talk to you about." "Oh? Why?" Was that curiosity in her voice, or suspicion? "Because I am currently in sunny Southern California headed for an airplane to take to me to the drizzly Northwest. I'm hoping to get there before rush hour." "Oh. I thought it was next weekend you were coming." "It was. I mean, it is, if I can still get away. But I'm so close, I thought I'd come up this weekend too. It was kind of a spur of the moment thing." He had been so eager to visit Anna that it hadn't even occurred to him until now: "This isn't a good weekend for you, is it?" "Well, not for me, necessarily--but that doesn't mean you can't spend time with Anna. The thing is, I already have a babysitter scheduled for tonight." "Ooh, Scully. What do you have, a hot date?" he teased. Silence. His stomach dropped. "Oh, my God. You do. You have a date tonight." She quickly jumped in. "It's not a date, really. I mean, it is, sort of. But it's no big deal. It's only dinner, and maybe a movie. He's just a friend, and he's been asking me for months now, so I finally said yes, but--" He cut into her frantic rambling. "It's okay, Scully. There's nothing wrong with you having a date. You have every right to go on a date." He didn't know if he was trying to convince her, or himself. "Of course I have a right to." Now she was getting defensive. Great. "I didn't mean to imply you didn't. I just--I mean--." He sighed. He was only going to put his foot in it more if he kept trying to explain himself. "Listen, you've already got plans for the weekend. I can catch a flight home instead. I'll come see you next weekend, like we scheduled." "No, Mulder, you're already halfway here. Anna would love to see you. I can cancel the babysitter, if you don't mind dealing with bedtime tonight." "You're going to be out that late?" Yep, there he'd stuck his foot in it again. "I didn't mean it the way that sounded. Forget I said it." "I told you, Mulder, it's only dinner and a movie. I'll be home before curfew." Now she was getting pissy. He knew it was best to drop the whole thing. "I'll call you when I arrive, okay? But don't tell Anna I'm coming. That way I can surprise her." Not to mention that he could still change his plans if he succeeded in pissing off Scully any further between now and then. "Fine. I'll see you later." Mulder ended the call and tossed his phone onto the passenger seat. His enthusiasm for the weekend was completely gone. He tried to remind himself that he was going to spend the weekend with his daughter. Not only that, but he got to have her to himself for the whole evening. But he couldn't get past the fact that Scully had a date. * * * Scully couldn't believe the nightmare that tonight had become. Not that there was anything wrong with Doug. In fact, he was a perfectly nice guy. The nightmare wasn't the date itself; it was the hellish torment churning inside of her. A nightmare that started and ended with the fact that Mulder was back at her home babysitting while she was out on a date. To make things worse, she had extended the date, accepting an offer of a movie, and then drinks, not because she was enjoying Doug's company (and how could she enjoy it, when she was spending the whole evening thinking about Mulder instead?), but because she was avoiding going home to deal with Mulder--all the while realizing that the later she stayed out, the worse Mulder would be to deal with when she got home. But why did it bother her so much? Yes, she and Mulder had a child together, but they weren't married. They weren't dating. They weren't...anything, really. They were merely parents, to Anna. Which left their relationship to each other wholly undefined. A relationship that had never been fully defined to begin with. Was it because they'd been spending so much time together lately--but only for Anna's sake? Or because he'd always acted slightly possessive of her, from the first day they'd met, and a part of her was secretly thrilled by it? Whatever it was, she couldn't explain it. Not to herself, so she'd certainly never be able to explain it to someone else. And yet, even though her entire evening had revolved around Mulder, she'd still managed not to say his name. She had raced out the front door when Doug's car pulled into driveway, mentioning to him only "the babysitter," not who that babysitter was. Doug had met Anna, so of course "Anna's father" had once come up in conversation, but Scully had quickly steered it away. And she certainly never brought up the fact that the babysitter, Anna's father, was probably this very moment sitting in the bay window of her living room with the lights out, waiting for her to come home. Or the fact that even though she knew the very thought should piss her off, she would somehow be disappointed if he wasn't. When the evening at last was winding to a close, Scully tried, unsuccessfully, to suppress her yawn as Doug drove her home. It was well after eleven now. The movie had only gotten them to nine-thirty, and she'd merely had one glass of white wine at the bar, although she made it last for an hour. The adrenaline high that kept her wired all night had now come crashing down, and she was almost too spent to care any longer. Let Mulder think whatever he wanted to. She was a grown woman, she was single, and she was allowed to go out on a date at least once every five years. It was a unwritten rule, she was sure. Nearly asleep with her eyes open, she didn't notice they were in her driveway until Doug turned off the car and came around to open her door. Lethargy from the wine and the late hour made her limbs heavy, so she was grateful for his arm to lean on as he escorted her to the door. The neighborhood around them was quiet, as was her condo. Anna would long since be asleep, and Mulder had probably passed out on her couch. Scully dug out her house key, chiding herself for her earlier anxiety, now simply glad to be home. "I had a nice time tonight, Dana." Oh, yeah. Doug. The guy with whom she'd spent the last few hours, whom she now had to let down easy. Or, maybe she just didn't have to call him back. Isn't that the way these things worked? She honestly didn't know, rusty as she was at the dating scene. She put on a friendly smile, with one hand on the doorknob. "I did too. It was nice to have a night out." That much was true. It wasn't every week she got wined and dined. Doug lingered, smiling back. Gentleman that he was, he was waiting until she was safely in her home before he turned to leave. She was sure he had no intention of coming any further than the doorstep, since he knew she had a daughter and babysitter waiting inside. *The babysitter...* was her last thought as she noticed how close Doug was leaning. She froze when his lips touched hers, determined not to pull away. But she wasn't going to encourage him either, just wait until he was through. The part of her brain that wasn't panicking performed a detached analysis of the kiss. His lips were warm, mostly dry, and simply pressed up against hers. Skin against skin. Her lipstick had worn off long ago, so there was no cling from the manufactured moisture. It wasn't entirely unpleasant, but there was no pleasure in it either. There was simply...nothing. That's what she felt. Weren't kisses supposed to be pleasurable? When's the last time she had even been kissed? Oh, yeah, the babysitter... Scully pulled away abruptly, blushing for reasons entirely different from what Doug was probably assuming. "I should go inside. It's late, and the babysitter's waiting..." "Yeah, it's late. I'll call you, okay? Goodnight, Dana." He kissed her once more, his lips now cool to her overheated cheek. "Goodnight," she squeaked, and quickly turned the doorknob. It seemed dark inside the condo, the only illumination spilling out from the hallway at the back. No longer in the glare of the porch light, she let her eyes adjust to the dimness, surreptitiously scanning the living room for a lanky form waiting in the shadows. When she saw nothing, she sighed in relief. He was probably down the hall in the bathroom, or Anna's room... And then one of the shadows moved. Unfolded itself from the window seat and quietly approached. "How was your date?" His voice was light--dangerously so. As much as that secret part of her was enjoying it, knowing that she had been right, it rankled her that he had been waiting in the dark for her to come home. And that he had likely seen the kiss. "Fine," she said. "How did things go with Anna?" "Fine." So, it was to be that way, was it? She was too exhausted to play these games with him. She opened the closet door and took off her coat to hang it up. "I'm going to bed. You're welcome to come over anytime in the morning. I'm sure Anna will be up early, wondering what time you'll be here. Don't bother to knock, in case I'm still asleep. Just use your key and let yourself in." She stepped back out of the closet to shut the door, only to bump into Mulder. "Oh!" she said softly in surprise. One arm wrapped her waist, to steady her. His other arm was stretched out beyond her head, reaching into the dark chasm of the closet. "I just--my coat," he said, close to her ear, making her shiver. She instinctively pulled away, although she had nowhere to go, held in place by his arm and the closet door. She turned and opened her mouth to speak, but any words she intended were carried away by the pair of lips that captured hers. Captured. That was the right word for it. His moist lips slid against hers possessively, seductively. Nipping, tugging. Caressing without penetrating. She shivered again, and his arm tightened around her waist. There was no place to put her hands but against his chest, and around his neck, and into those baby soft hairs at his nape. His tongue emerged, just briefly, to swipe at the inside of her lip. And then he pulled away. Well, as far away as he could get with both of her arms clinging to his neck for dear life. Finally, his grip at her waist loosened, and she released him, once she was sure that her legs were steady enough to support her. The two of them were no longer touching, but he hadn't backed away. Leaving her with a good view of his heaving chest, since she couldn't drag her eyes any higher. "Sorry. I didn't mean to do that." His voice was no more than a harsh whisper, breathed into the humid air between them. "It's okay," she said, aiming for nonchalant, but entirely missing the mark. "Is it really...okay?" His words were said with great meaning, giving her the courage to meet his eyes, knowing they would communicate was he was really asking. Oh. Was it okay that he had kissed her--that he had kissed her like *that*? She nodded, decisively. "Yes." It was definitely okay. He nodded back, his eyes glued to hers. "Okay." They stared at each other, the only sound their heavy breaths, still mingling in the tight space. "Mommy?" The sleepy voice down the hallway broke their spell, and they both looked away. "I'm coming," Scully called weakly and headed in that direction. She heard the closet door and then the front door close as she rounded the corner to the bedrooms. She went into Mommy Mode and focused on her daughter, who was still more asleep than awake. Only later, when Scully had ceased all motion for the day, her head nestled on her pillow and everything still but the pounding of her heart, did she remember the answer to her earlier question--the last time she'd been kissed. It was the night they'd conceived Anna. * * * It was almost ten o'clock by the time Mulder came knocking at their door the next morning. He knew that Scully would've been up earlier, even on a Saturday, but he wanted to give her some time. It also gave him some time, to make plans. Scully opened the door. "Mulder." "Scully." They stood there for a moment, looking at each other. It was clear she was just as unsure as he was whether last night had changed anything between them. He broke the moment by holding out to her what he had been hiding behind his back. "I brought these for my best girl." Scully blushed and reached out for the bouquet of daisies. "Thank you." He smiled and winked at her, pulling back the flowers. "Why are you assuming these are for you?" The pitter-patter of little feet quickly approached, followed by "Daddy!" He stepped into the foyer and crouched down to pull Anna into a one-armed hug. Leaning back from the embrace, she scolded, very Scully-like, "You didn't kiss me good-bye last night." Mulder found it hard to feel chastened when she looked so adorable imitating her mother. "Can I kiss you hello right now?" She smiled. "Okay." After kissing her on the cheek, he drew back from the embrace and handed her the flowers. "Look what I brought you." "Flowers!" He grinned at her enthusiasm. "Do you think you can find them some water?" Anna went running off down the hall. He knew there was a vase in the bathroom where she kept the flowers that he sent. Behind him, Scully was shutting the door. He turned to her and handed her the other thing he'd been hiding, in his pocket. "This one's for you." Hesitantly, she took the white envelope that he held out to her. "What is it?" "Open it and find out." She glanced at him uncertainly while she opened the envelope. "Tickets to the symphony? Tonight?" He shrugged, trying to act more casual than he felt. "It was either that or a hockey game. That's all I could get on such short notice. I took a gamble and guessed this was more your style." "Mulder...I don't know what to say." "Say you'll go with me, and that it's not too late to find a babysitter." When she didn't respond right away, he knew he would have to talk her into it. "Afterward, you can let me down easy. But it would look silly for me to go to this alone." There was a long pause as she was mulling it over. He prepared himself for her rejection, but she surprised him. "Let me make some calls." "Daddy!" Anna called from down the hallway. "I'm being summoned," Mulder said, slowly backing away. Actually, he was grateful for the reprieve. He figured the best thing right now was to allow Scully some space, and the privacy to make her calls. Besides, it might backfire if he did his celebratory dance right in front of her. * * * Scully glanced at the clock and cursed under her breath as she realized the time. It had taken her half an hour of sorting through the limited options in her closet before she decided on what had been her first choice, her little black dress. It had been an impulse buy almost a year ago, because every woman needs a little black dress (or, so the saleswoman told her as Scully stood there in front of the rack coveting the dress), but she'd never had an opportunity to wear it. Even last night she had opted for something more conservative. The dress was basic, form-fitting, and sleeveless, with a hemline long enough to be respectable and a neckline low enough to be inappropriate for work. Scully slid into the dress, happy to see that it fit her right, even after all these months in the closet. The neckline just barely covered the edge of her strapless black bra, but it was enough. As she stood contemplating herself in the mirror, the doorbell rang. It figured that this was the one time Mulder would be early instead of late. She zipped up the back of her dress the best she could while jogging for the door. She was still holding the back of her dress together when she pulled the door open. Mulder's smile faded away as he looked her over. It wasn't a look she was used to being on the receiving end of, but she definitely recognized it. In fact, she thought she could probably get pregnant again just from the way he was looking at her. His voice was raspy when he finally spoke. "God, you look beautiful." "Um, thank you." She suddenly felt very self-conscious. "I'm not even ready yet. You're a little early, and I'm running late." "That's okay, I can wait." He was still eyeing her like he was a starving wolf and she was the main course. Finally, she came to her senses and stepped back to let him in. She was still awkwardly holding her dress together in the back. Squelching her better judgment, she turned her back to him and said, "Can you help zip me up?" He cleared his throat. "Sure," he said, an octave higher than usual. She felt her hair brushed aside and the tug of the zipper. She shivered as his fingers whispered over her flesh, tracing the way for the zipper. Leaning close to her ear, he said, "It's a good thing you didn't look like this last night." She turned and raised an eyebrow at him. He seemed to lose some of his bravado at her response. "I don't mean you didn't look good last night. I'm just glad you didn't look this good for *him* or he wouldn't have been able to keep his hands off you." He stumbled over his words. "I don't mean that you can't take care of yourself, or that he would've tried anything, I just mean..." He stopped. "I'll shut up now." After a moment, she smiled, letting him off the hook. "I need to finish getting ready," she said. "I'll be out in a few minutes." He nodded, looking around. "Where's Anna?" She walked back toward her bedroom as she answered. "The neighbors are watching her tonight. I figured it would be easier for me to get ready if she went over there early. Otherwise, she likes to 'help' and it takes twice as long." He followed her to the end of the hallway as she spoke, but respectfully did not encroach further. She ducked into her room. While she was digging through her closet for the pair of shoes she wanted, she heard the trill of a cell phone somewhere. She started down the hall to go find it, but then she realized it wasn't her phone. "Mulder." Scully stopped short as she heard him answer. "No, I'm not in California anymore. I'm in Seattle." Still standing in the hallway, Scully paused to listen. She sincerely hoped he wasn't getting called in on a case. She knew that Mulder worked more than his fair share of hours, and he deserved a weekend off. "Krycek? Are you sure? He wouldn't register under his own name.... No, Frohike, I know your Kung Fu is the best." Krycek? She recognized the name as Mulder's former partner, the man who had turned out to be a spy and then disappeared. And she knew that if Mulder's friend Frohike was on the phone, the call wasn't from work. "Well, how long has he been there?... Tonight isn't a good time." Scully came down the hall and watched Mulder pace across the living room. She could see the frustration on his face, the mixed emotions over the call. Most of all, she could see the spark of hope in his eyes. "Even if I could catch a plane right now, I'm not sure I would get there in time.... I know this is the best lead we've had in months, but I'm not sure--" He paused in surprise at Scully's hand on his arm. "Hold on a minute, Frohike." "You should go," she said. She could see in his eyes his warring emotions, disappointment battling with relief. "But we made plans," he said, without conviction. "This is about Samantha, isn't it?" Scully nodded toward the phone to indicate the call. "Yeah." Mulder sighed. "I've been looking for this guy for months. He may have answers that will lead me to my sister." "Then you need to go." "What about the symphony?" "There will be another night." He hesitated a moment longer, then put the phone back to his ear. "Frohike? What's the first flight you can get me on?" Scully decided not to stay for the rest of the conversation. She made her way back to the bedroom, removing her earrings as she went. At least she could give up her hunt for the shoes. She was standing at her mirror, reaching back to unclasp her necklace, when Mulder appeared behind her. He gently pushed her hands aside and undid the clasp for her. He met her gaze in the mirror. "Scully, are you sure? I don't have to do this." "Yes, you do." From the pain and confusion in his eyes, she knew he didn't understand her reasons. She turned around to face him. "I told you before, Mulder, I never wanted to hold you back from finding Samantha. That hasn't changed. If you stay here tonight, you'll regret it later. Besides, we both know you'd be thinking about it all evening, and I don't want to spend the whole time at the symphony telling you to stop fidgeting. I know how antsy you get when you want to be somewhere else." He smirked, half-heartedly. "Memories of budget meetings, huh?" She nodded, and they shared a small smile. "I wish you could go with me," he said softly. She was a bit surprised by that, although she wasn't sure why she should be. She searched deep inside herself for that desire to join the hunt, but it wasn't there, not like it was when she first joined the Bureau. "That's not my life anymore, Mulder." He nodded, his expression full of understanding and regret. Gently, he reached out and touched her hair. He glanced over her wistfully, the longing in his look leaving her tingling everywhere his gaze had touched. Then he slowly leaned down to give her a lingering kiss. "Rain check. I promise," he whispered into the space between them. Letting him go, she didn't follow him to the door. She felt no frustration or bitterness over his choice, only acceptance. She understood this part of Mulder, perhaps better than he did himself. It wasn't enough for her to have his desire; she needed his commitment. She didn't want him to be here unless it was exactly where he wanted to be. When he was ready to make that choice, then it would be their time. But until then, she owed her daughter more. And she owed more to herself. ********** End Part 4 ********** TITLE: Redeeming the Time, part 5 AUTHOR: bellefleur EMAIL ADDRESS: bellefleur1013@yahoo.com RATING: PG-13 CLASSIFICATION: S, A, UST/MSR DISCLAIMER: Not mine; they belong to CC, FOX, etc. SUMMARY: Sometimes, you have to love someone enough to let them go. ********** ********** Sitting in the uncomfortable airport chair, Mulder bounced his knee impatiently while he watched the passengers deplane. He resisted checking his watch again, since he already knew the plane was running late. His flight was scheduled to depart five minutes ago, but their plane had only just arrived, and it would probably be another fifteen minutes before the plane was ready to start boarding. He couldn't afford for his flight to arrive late since he was already cutting it close if the flight was on time. The ring of his cell phone drew his attention away from the weary passengers streaming through the door from the jetway. "Mulder." "Daddy?" He smiled at the sound of Anna's voice. "Hey, pumpkin, how ya doin'?" "I'm not a pumpkin. I'm a flower." He laughed. "I'm sorry, I stand corrected. How's my little flower doing?" "My petals won't stay on." Scully's voice was audible in the background. "If you'd stand still for minute, I'd be able to tie them back on." "You'd better stand still for your mom, Anna." "There you go," Scully said. "Now you can talk to Daddy." "But the petals are over my ear." "Fine, give me the phone. You can go practice." There was some rustling and the sound of little feet running away. "Scully?" "Sorry about that," she said. "Anna wanted to call to tell you about her costume. She wanted to make sure you were coming tonight." He looked over at the gate, where the passengers continued to trickle out the door. "I'm at the airport as we speak. Looks like the flight is running a little behind, but hopefully they'll make up the time once we're in the air." "I'll save a seat for you, somewhere near the aisle if I can." "I'm surprised Anna's in her costume already. Isn't it another five hours or so until the play starts?" "She's been so excited about this that she insisted on wearing the costume all day. But we're actually leaving in about an hour. The dress rehearsal had to be canceled, so they're doing a run-through before the performance." There was a beep on the line--call waiting. "Oh, hey, Scully, I've got a call coming through. I should take this." "All right. We'll see you tonight." "Tell Anna I'll be there." He hit the button to answer the other call. "Mulder." "Mulder, this is John Byers." Mulder was mildly surprised at the call. He wasn't expecting to hear from the Gunmen this weekend, but they had been busily searching down leads for him for months. Frohike might call him just to offer cheesesteaks, but if Byers was calling, that usually meant business. "Hey, Byers. What's up?" "I have some information to pass along to you. It's probably nothing, but you said to give you anything, no matter how small." Mulder sighed. He thought about how many of those "small" leads he had tracked down over the past weeks, only for them to turn out to be dead ends. "What've you got, Byers?" "There have been reports of colored lights in the sky in North Dakota. However, they haven't been verified as UFO sightings. But one of our MUFON contacts says the reports are from reliable sources. Are you on a case, or will you have time this weekend to check it out?" There was a day when Mulder would have been able to pursue this through work, but not any longer. Not without the X- Files. Now he had to spend his evenings and weekends pursuing the biggest case of all, the disappearance of his sister. It was exhausting not to have any down time, but he was more motivated than ever to find the truth. He needed to close the door to his past so he could move on with his future. Mulder looked over at the gate again. The door was shut, indicating that the plane was finally empty and being prepped for his flight. "Have you checked out the flight schedules?" he asked. "There is a flight from Dulles to Fargo departing in an hour. The next flight is tomorrow morning at seven-fifteen. But the phenomenon isn't likely to appear three nights in a row. If you want to see it for yourself, your best chance is to be there tonight." Mulder looked at his watch and considered his options. He could stop through North Dakota on the way, but there was no way he would make it to Seattle before the morning. If the lights didn't make an appearance again tonight, there was probably little point in him stopping by North Dakota on the way back. In the end, he knew he had only one choice. * * * As the lights dimmed, Scully turned in her seat and scanned the back of the auditorium again. Mulder had yet to show up, and she hadn't heard anything from him since before he boarded his flight. She knew his flight had arrived, because she had called the airline to find out if it was delayed. But she resisted calling Mulder. If something had come up, he needed to call and tell her himself. She wasn't going to chase him down. Scully checked her phone one more time before putting it in silent mode for the duration of the performance. The curtains on the stage opened, and one of the teachers stepped up to the microphone to introduce the play. "Sorry I'm late. Remind me never to arrive in Seattle during rush hour." Startled by the voice close to her ear, Scully looked over to see Mulder settling into the seat next to her. She was glad the lights were low, to hide the flush on her cheeks. She was ashamed to realize that she had been thinking Mulder stood them up. "It's okay," she whispered. "You haven't missed anything." Turning her attention to the stage, Scully tried to stop chastising herself and focus on the children filing onto the risers. "It's a good thing your hair is the color of a bonfire. I could find you even in the dark." "Shhh," she reprimanded. But she couldn't help but smile. * * * "Daddeeey!" Even in the chaos of children and families milling through the packed cafeteria, Mulder could recognize the sound of Anna's happy squeal. But he couldn't see her until a small sunflower came bursting through a forest of legs and launched herself at him. He picked her up and settled her at his side. "Did you see me, Daddy? Did you see I'm a flower?" "Yes, I saw you. You made a very good flower." "And I singed too. Did you hear me sing?" "Yes, I heard you sing. You did a great job. I'm very proud of you." Scully reached up to straighten the headpiece of flower petals as it tipped off the back of Anna's head. "Maybe we should take this off now, honey." Anna grabbed at the petals. "No, Mommy. I have to keep it on. Sophia's mommy is going to take our picture." "Then maybe we should go find her," Scully said. "Sophia!" Anna yelled out, far too close to Mulder's ear. He let her down to the ground as she started to lean out of his arms. She ran off into the crowd again. He was concerned that he should follow her, until he saw Scully wave in acknowledgement at a woman standing next to where Anna had stopped. "That's Sophia's mother," Scully explained. "Sophia is in Anna's class, and sometimes Anna goes over to their house after school." Mulder nodded as he watched the two girls chattering excitedly. He couldn't help but notice that Sophia's mother kept giving him sideways glances. As he turned back toward Scully to say something, he caught another woman nearby quickly look away. Leaning down to Scully, he confided, "I feel like I'm being watched." "What?" Scully looked up at him, puzzled. He nodded sideways, toward the woman that he could feel looking at him again. "Ah," Scully said in acknowledgement. "They're just curious. They've never seen Anna's father before." "And have they heard stories?" She smirked at him. "Possibly. Anna talks about you all the time. There's no telling what she's said about you." "I'm afraid to know." He was grateful when Anna came running back over and interrupted the conversation. She was pulling at the knot tied underneath her chin. "I want to take it off." Scully knelt down and helped Anna untie and remove the headpiece. Without the petals, she looked more like a little green elf than a flower, but Mulder decided not to tell her that. She turned and reached up for him, so he dutifully picked her up again. Mulder listened patiently while his daughter told him all about her class, her teacher, her costume, and everything else her rambling monologue led her to. Scully stood close, trying to smooth out Anna's hair where the headpiece had left it sticking up and tangled. In this moment, in the midst of this noise and chaos, an incredible sense of peace settled over him. Here he stood with his daughter in his arms and her mother by his side. In a room full of families, the three of them looked like they belonged. He didn't care who was watching them. This felt right. Anna's chatter petered out as she finally began to tire, and she leaned her head on Mulder's shoulder. "Are you two ready to go home?" Scully asked. Mulder nodded. He was ready to go home. * * * Mulder sat on the couch checking his voice mail while he waited for Scully to finish tucking in Anna. The girl had been sound asleep by the time they got back to Scully's. Mulder yawned, thinking that sleep might not be such a bad idea. His body was tired, but his mind was wide awake. In fact, he felt more alert than he had in a long time. He hit "end" and turned off the phone. There were no messages from the Gunmen. Byers was supposed to call if there were any new reports from North Dakota, but apparently there hadn't been. Scully came in and settled next to him on the couch. She hadn't changed yet, and for the first time all night he was able to get a good look at her. She wore a plain blue dress, but on her it looked far from plain. He was searching for the right words to tell her how nice she looked, but she spoke first. "Thank you for coming tonight. I know it was a long way to travel just to watch Anna sing one song, but it meant a lot to her for you to be here." He nodded and pondered for a moment. Then, he said, "Have I ever told you about Samantha's last dance recital?" "No, you haven't." "It was about six months before she disappeared. I was what-- eleven, twelve? I couldn't care less about a bunch of girls twirling around in pink tutus. But Sam was so excited about that recital. They'd spent weeks preparing for it. She wanted everyone in the family to be there. But Dad never made it. He was out of town on business, as always. I can't tell you how devastated she was that he wasn't there." Scully reached over and placed her hand on his. "But you were there for her then. And you were here tonight." "There was no way I couldn't come. I couldn't disappoint Anna like that." Scully started to pull her hand away, but he turned his hand over underneath hers to grab on. She resisted only slightly and then yielded as he twined their fingers together. "Do you think I'll ever find her?" he whispered. She regarded him intently for a moment before answering. She said gently, "I think if anyone could, it would be you." He watched their entwined hands as he considered her non- answer. Finally, he said, "What do I expect to find, anyway? It's been over twenty years. That she's been in suspended animation on a spaceship all this time? Abductees are usually returned. She probably moved on with her life and doesn't want to relive the past. She may have kids of her own by now, and yet all I can see her as is a little girl in braids and a pink tutu. Sometimes, I wonder..." As his pause lengthened, Scully squeezed his hand. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and continued. "Am I doing this for her, or for me?" "You're doing what you believe to be right, because that's the man you are. You never give up." "Even when I'm wrong?" He looked up to see her answer. "Even when no one else believes that you're right." He sighed. "Maybe I'm tired of wasting my time being wrong." "What are you saying, Mulder?" Her brow pinched as she looked at him in concern. "I'm saying that Samantha would never forgive me if I missed my daughter's school play to chase after aliens, even if I thought I was doing it for Sam." "You haven't given up on her," Scully said with certainty. "No, I haven't, and I won't. But I think it's time I made better choices. I can't chase down every inane report of lights in the sky on the slim hope that this one might finally get me a step closer to the truth. I've spent too many years living in the past. But time hasn't stopped to wait for me. I don't want to wake up one day and find out that the present has passed me by." "It hasn't. And it won't as long as you're here for Anna when it really matters." "What if I were here all the time?" Hesitantly, she asked, "What do you mean?" "I mean, what would you think of me moving to Seattle?" He wasn't surprised at the shock on her face. In fact, he found it rather endearing how her mouth opened and closed mutely like a goldfish. When she found her voice again, she said, "What about work?" He shrugged. "I'll ask for a transfer. And if I can't get one, I'll look for something else to do. Consulting, maybe. Unless you'd consider coming back to D.C." She frowned. "I can't say the thought hasn't crossed my mind. But I've built a life out here. And this is Anna's home. She has friends and a good school. I know what it's like to have to move far away when you're so young. I don't want to uproot her if I don't have to." "You don't have to. And I don't expect you to. But I want to be closer to her. If that means I need to move out here, then that's what I'll do. But only if it's okay with you." She paused for a moment and then said, "Of course it's okay. Anna would love to have you here." It wasn't quite the answer he wanted, but he realized that he hadn't yet asked the right question. He looked down at their hands, still tightly woven together. They were clinging to each other, he realized. Their hands were expressing the tension, and the hope, that the two of them struggled to admit. "You know," he said, "tonight was the first time in a long time that I felt like part of a family." He paused, unwilling to look at her yet. "Do you think, if I moved out here, that we could be a real family someday?" It seemed like an eternity before she answered, but she never let go of his hand. "I think so, someday." He looked up at her and smiled. The corners of her mouth twitched up as her smile mirrored his. He noticed a stray lock of hair clinging to her lips, and he reached over with his free hand to tuck the hair behind her ear. He stroked his thumb over her lips where the strand had been. "Someday." ********** End Part 5 ********** TITLE: Redeeming the Time, epilogue AUTHOR: bellefleur EMAIL ADDRESS: bellefleur1013@yahoo.com RATING: PG-13 CLASSIFICATION: S, A, UST/MSR DISCLAIMER: Not mine; they belong to CC, FOX, etc. SUMMARY: Sometimes, you have to love someone enough to let them go. ********** ********** *Five Years Later* Mulder checked his watch as he waited for the email attachments to upload. Anna's birthday party had officially started only fifteen minutes ago, but from the squeals and shouts emanating from downstairs, it sounded like the event was in full swing. He was sure Scully would appreciate some backup, but she also understood that he needed to get this profile sent off first. Not for the first time, Mulder noted with appreciation how much easier modern technology had made a job like consulting. Occasionally it was necessary for him to travel across the country to a crime scene, but the quality of video and photos that could be sent to him by fax or computer often made the trip unnecessary. Granted, his method of profiling had also changed. He no longer followed the self-destructive model that Bill Patterson had taught him--to immerse oneself in the mind of the killer. Now he used good old-fashioned psychology, police work, and intuition to craft a profile. Once the attachments were finished and the email was sent, Mulder powered down his computer and took a final look around his office to make sure none of the crime scene photos were lying around. The kids weren't allowed to come in here without permission, but he knew that Scully felt better if there weren't any traumatic images sitting out that the kids could accidentally see. Sometimes Mulder walked a fine line maintaining his work space within his home, but he had learned to keep his consulting work secondary and not let it consume him. Family came first. As he descended the stairs, he caught a glimpse of the mayhem awaiting him. Anna had invited over only six friends for the afternoon party, but somehow the seven of them seemed to fill up the spacious family room. Mulder peeked in to see that most of the girls were sitting on the floor around the coffee table; another girl appeared to be chasing Anna around the room, while their friends cheered them on. At the edge of the room, watching with some trepidation and wonder, sat his three-year-old son, Isaac. Mulder knelt down next to the boy. "Hey, buddy. It's a little scary in here, don't you think? Why don't I rescue you." Isaac held on to his stuffed dinosaur while Mulder picked him up, and the two of them escaped to the kitchen. Scully was closing the oven when they walked in. She spotted them as she turned around to the island in the middle of the kitchen. "Were you able to get the profile finished?" she asked. "Yep. It's all done and sent off." "I'm sorry about the noise," she said. "I told Anna to keep it down because you had some work to do, but she's too wound up. I figured I'd better get started on the food. Once the pizzas are cooked, we can start the movie, and things should settle down." Isaac squirmed to get down, so Mulder lowered him to the floor. "What exactly are they doing in there?" Scully got out the pizza cutter and started to slice the cooked pizza sitting on the counter. "Anna said they were playing a new board game." "It looks to me more like Duck, Duck, Goose. And here I thought boys were supposed to be the rowdy ones." He looked over at Isaac, always the quiet antithesis of his talkative sister, now scribbling on his white board in the corner. "Whatever happened to 'sugar and spice and everything nice'?" Scully gave him a look. "She's *your* daughter." He laughed. "Says the tomboy. You can't fool me, Scully. I know you climbed your share of trees back in the day. You didn't spend all of your time quietly dissecting frogs and playing with your pink science kit." "Did you come in here to mock me, or to help?" "Help, of course," he said, as innocently as possible. She rolled her eyes. "Good. You can get Isaac's food ready. The first pizza is done, so he might as well start eating. The second pizza will be out in a few minutes." While Mulder was getting Isaac settled into his chair, a loud thud in the family room was followed by a round of cheers. "Maybe we should have them play in the back yard," Mulder suggested. Scully glanced up from sticking candles in the cake. "Have you looked outside? It's been pouring all day." He came up behind her and purposely pulled her back against him to reach around her and grab a fork out the drawer. "Hey, I'm not the one who decided to settle down in Seattle. I can do my work from anywhere." Rather than letting her go once the drawer was shut, he nuzzled the back of her neck, heading for that sensitive spot behind her ear. "And I do my best work at home," he said in a low voice. The buzz of the oven timer interrupted him. Snickering at his antics, Scully nudged him and his roving hands out of her way. "Then you can work on getting the bag of ice out of the freezer." "Party pooper," he said good-naturedly. * * * Half an hour later, the house was indeed quieter. Scully finished cleaning up the pizza pans and finally left the kitchen, wondering where Mulder had gotten off to. She found him leaning against the doorway to the family room, watching the party but not quite joining it. She gently placed her hand on his back, and he lifted his arm to gather her close to his side. They shared a contented smile and turned to watch on for a few minutes. Scully took in the scene in the family room. Colorful paper plates with various states of pizza crust dotted the room, along with half-empty cups and crumpled napkins that matched the plates. The girls were sprawled out on the furniture and around the floor, attentively watching "Finding Nemo," which was Anna's latest favorite movie. And curled up in his sister's lap was Isaac, with his beloved stuffed dinosaur firm in his grasp. Scully looked up at Mulder and realized that he was watching Anna and Isaac rather than the movie. She said quietly, "You haven't said anything about it, but I know what this day means to you." Mulder looked down at her, raising his eyebrows in question. "Anna's ninth birthday," she explained. He nodded and turned back to watch their children giggling at the movie. "Samantha never made it to her ninth birthday-- at least, not with us." Scully squeezed him a little tighter and nestled her head against his chest. She loved this man so dearly, but especially his tender heart and undying devotion. Where others saw obsession, she saw loyalty and enduring hope. She never wanted to lose that part of him. It had been a long time since Mulder had chased down a lead relating to Samantha. There were times when Scully doubted, wondering if he had given up or let go. But she knew he still monitored the UFO websites. And as the pictures of Anna and Isaac were changed out for new ones in the frames on Mulder's desk, another photo sat there always, of a little girl frozen in time. "Maybe she did have that birthday party, Mulder, just somewhere else." "Maybe." He rubbed Scully's shoulder, almost absent- mindedly. "And maybe she's given her own kids the ninth birthday party she never had." He huffed out a small laugh. "She'd be almost forty now. Can you believe that?" Scully leaned her head back to pin him with a look. "You're not implying forty is old, are you?" Her own fortieth birthday had been only a week ago. "If it is, then I've passed 'old' and gone straight on to 'ancient.'" "Shhh!" Anna reprimanded them over the back of the couch. Mulder and Scully shared a smirk. "I guess we were talking too loud," he whispered. Scully pulled away from his side. "Go watch the movie with the kids. I have to finish wrapping Anna's present, then I can come join you." He gave her a quick kiss and then slipped into the room to join the party. Anna scooted over a little on the couch to make room for him, so he squeezed in next to her and then shifted her and Isaac so they were both sitting on his lap. Scully thought about getting out the camera to take a picture of the three of them but decided the flash would be too disruptive. Maybe she would sneak in a shot as the movie ended. She had a similar photo sitting on her desk at work, but it was over a year old. She wouldn't mind replacing it with a newer one. Scully thought back to the framed photos on Mulder's desk, including the one of his sister and one of Anna now about the same age. The similarity between them wasn't as strong as it once was, but there was no denying which side of the family Anna most resembled. The two pictures were a constant reminder that while loved ones are never forgotten, life must go on. The hole that Samantha left in Mulder's heart would never be filled by anyone else, Scully knew. But little by little they were healing old hurts by making new memories. And with those new memories they made up for lost time, redeeming the days that had been squandered when Anna was young. Looking at father and daughter cuddled together and smiling at the movie, Scully was reminded of how far they had all come. It had been a long and bumpy road, but they were finally traveling it together as a family, and together they would face the journey that lay ahead. ************ End Epilogue ************ Author's notes: That's all she wrote. Thanks for hanging in there. And thanks especially to those who sent me pokes and feedback to remind me that people were still interested. Pokes really do inspire writing! Send feedback to bellefleur1013@yahoo.com Visit my fanfic at https://bellefleur1013.wordpress.com